there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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