No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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