Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im part way to drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
