sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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