Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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