Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
