You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
