Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
