I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
