He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
