i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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