a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
