I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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