He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
