I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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