Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize
