i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
