life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
