Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
