Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
