Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
