Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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