He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
