Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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