I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
