I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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