i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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