Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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