NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want her autograph on my taint
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
