I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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