I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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