Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
