Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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