just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
