I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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