Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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