i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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