I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pooping to opera.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
