I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
