It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
