looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
