I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
