i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
