dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
