It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
