I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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