i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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