Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My life is pants optional.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
