HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
