I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
