I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just puked most of my soul out..
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