so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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